Carpe Diem, My Love
by gemiquariusromantic
Summary: A child travels from Xing to Central after their home is ravaged by the Military. Seeking out help from the Homunculi leads them to be the next, Chaos. Finally, revenge against Roy Mustang. When an assignment throws Chaos into a revolution with foreign feelings that were buried for a decade, Chaos's already split mind is going to rip itself to pieces. [Brotherhood/Manga]
1. Chapter 1

_This journal belongs to __CHAOS ._

* * *

><p><strong>My name is Chaos. Well, at least that was my "chosen" name. The name <span>they<span> gave me. I joined them when I was 19. Now I'm 21. Two and a half years and I'm already losing my mind. The only one really keeping me from going on a serial killing spree is him. It's like…he understands me. He's not disrespectful towards me like the others are. We're so similar…and I almost wish I'd met him in another time. I hope we did. I don't want them to win. I want us to win so I don't have to worry about saying good-bye ever again.**

**He means everything to me. He's my best friend, we're "partners in crime," we're always together. Inseparable. Every time he goes out, I follow. We're not supposed to have any feelings but our dubbed names; we can't feel love. That's the main "taboo" for us. Love someone and you're immediately killed. But I can't help it. At least he doesn't feel the same. That would make people go crazy, but it reassures me.**

**我的名字是混沌的，我愛上了羨慕。**

**Carpe diem. Some weird language's translations meaning "seize the day." He told me that. I didn't know he was old enough to know a language that's almost not even spoken anymore, and from another country entirely. Nothing like Xingese, at least. I'm surprised he knows a little bit of it. He…he asked me to teach it to him. I obliged happily. I taught it to him in my dialect. The one he'd said was "almost like an ancient angel." He loves it and tries to mimic my dialect. He sounds good with it. almost like it's natural. I should burn this book after I write everything down. Bury it deep in the ruins of an old crumbling building. Bury the ashes. Burn the ashes. Make sure that no one ever reads this. This book should never be read. I shouldn't even be writing this but if I don't I'll just go off on another anxiety attack and I need a cigarette where did I put them oh god.**

**Oh dear god he put them where I would always find them why is he nice to me he's supposed to be…he's not supposed to be. He shouldn't be. But he is. Why? Why would he care this much about me? I'm not anything special. I'm just a dumb child from Xing. A lone child with a blind eye and automail feet. I'm just…Chaos. Not even that but...God just stop writing and get some sleep. You'll be fine tomorrow. **

Chaos closed the notebook gently, ducking through the halls until they reached the alley, taking out another cigarette and lighter.


	2. Chapter 2

"Chaos! Chaos?~ Chaos, where did you go?" Envy looked around the halls, finally stopping at the room in the library. He knocked softly. "Chaos? Chaos, are you okay?" He opened the door, his expression softening. He looked around one more time before closing the door behind him.

Envy walked over to the sleeping form. "Asleep at your desk _again_?" He sighed. "And on your journal too." He closed said book without looking at its contents, set it in a secret drawer in the desk before lifting Chaos into his arms, carrying them over to the bed in the corner.

"Take care of yourself, Chaos. If not for you, then for me. I want to see you thrive," he murmured. "I want you to prosper. Sleep well…" He looked around one more time. "Mingzhu." He pressed a light kiss to their cheek before turning on the ceiling fan, turned off the lights and locked the door on his way out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Chaos! We've got an important place to be today!"

The green haired Orient exited their room, locking the door. They walked through the tall rows of carious books from different times. Different philosophers, different thinkers, different theories. All the types Chaos enjoyed.

They walked into the main room of the tunnels, nonchalant as always.

"Do I have to train recruits for the Military today?"

"No," Envy replied. "You and I are going to a place called Dublith. You are relieved from your normal duties for today. We have important business. Come along." He headed for the door.

Chaos gave a respectful nod to Lust and Wrath before following Envy out.

"Where is this place?" they asked.

"A bit ways away," Envy replied. "We have to take a train to get there." He transformed into a young man, probably in his thirties, with dark hair and dark eyes. "You'll have to change your uniform," he said, his voice slightly deeper. "Go to your room. I put it in one of your drawers last night."

Chaos began heading for library before stopping. "Question…" They turned around. "I have this…journal, that I write in. Have you—"

"I have seen it, but I do not read it," was the reply. "Go get changed."


End file.
